Are we having fun yet?
In the process of developing my website, I’ve subscribed to a number of newsletters, many of which contain flashes of humour, some useful tips, and an occasional Thought for the Day. My family, friends, and clients also have a habit of sharing chuckles and interesting observations with me.
The following examples of what keeps crossing my desk will, I hope, give you a few smiles and the odd point worth thinking about.
By all means feel free to pass them on.
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A couple of guys from Newfoundland drove into a lumberyard in a pickup truck.
One of the guys walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”
The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”
The guy said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck.
He returned a minute later and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.”
“All right,” the clerk said. “How long do you need them?”
The guy paused for a minute and said, “Uh… I’d better go check again.”
After a while, he returned to the office and said, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.”
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1. A bicycle can’t stand alone, because it’s two-tired.
2. A backward poet writes inverse.
3. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
4. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
5. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
6. A lot of money is tainted — ‘taint yours and ‘taint mine.
7. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
8. A will is a dead giveaway.
9. When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
10. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
11. When her hair started turning gray, the actress thought she’d dye.
12. If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
13. If you throw a grenade into a French kitchen, you get Linoleum Blownapart.
14. Bakers trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
15. Women who marry get a new name and a dress.
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1. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
2. A sandwich walk into a bar. The barman says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
3. A man carrying a slab of concrete walks into a bar and says “Give me a beer, please, and
I might as well have one for the road.”
4. A man who’s dyslexic walks into a bra.
5. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love, and get married. The ceremony isn’t much, but
the reception is great.
6. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says “Are you sure?”
The other replies “Yes, I’m positive.”
7. Two cannibals eat a comedian. One says to the other “Does this taste funny to you?”
8. Two psychiatrists meet. One says to the other “You’re fine. How am I?”
9. Two fishes swim into a concrete wall. One says to the other “Dam!”
10. Question: What do you call a fish with no eye? Answer: A fsh.
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